The Zoo


It seems that many a zoo has fallen upon evil days. Confining wild, exotic animals in such facilities is not looked upon with the same favor it was in past years, and zoos have had to conform to the spirit of the times.

One struggling zoo had seen its ape population experience an alarming decline. What's more, the beasts had become so scarce that new acquisitions could not be found. Desperate to keep its image intact, the zoo determined that, until a new ape could be secured, they needed someone to dress up in an ape suit and act like an ape. The fellow was to just sit, eat, and sleep. His identity would be kept a secret. Thanks to a very fine ape suit, no one would be the wiser.

The zoo offered good pay for this job, so a certain down on his luck individual determined to apply. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he indeed looked the part.

He was led to the cage and assumed his position in back, pretending to sleep. Soon he tired of this routine and determined to walk around a bit. The fellow jumped up and down and tried a few ape noises. People who were watching seemed much taken with the new arrival. When he would move or jump, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts.

He continued jumping and tried climbing a tree. That excited the crowd mightily. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the moment, he seized a vine and swung from one side of the cage to the other. More peanuts were forthcoming.

He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger. The swinging continued, getting higher and higher. At once the vine broke and the fellow swung up and out of the cage, landing in the lion's cage that was next door.

There was a huge lion not twenty feet away.

The false ape, not knowing what else to do, started jumping up and down, screaming and yelling,

"Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm not really an ape! I'm a man in an ape suit!"

The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said,

"Will you be quiet ... you'll get both of us fired."