Weight

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Johnson was just weighed himself on a new computerized machine that delivered a card with his weight and fortune in high-tech splendor.

His formidable wife plucked the card from his hand. "Ah, says she," It says you're firm, resolute, have a decisive personality, are a leader of men, and attractive to women."

She turned the card over, studied it carefully, and pronounced,

"And it got the weight wrong, too."