One the clergyman was preparing for a trip to the city. The parish custodian inquired whether the padre would stop at a hardware store and get him a vise grip. Having no idea whatever what sort of tool the fellow wanted, the padre was nevertheless helpful and agreed to his assignment.
Later, the shopkeeper, eyeing the parson bedecked in appropriate clerical attire, asked how he could help.
The padre began,
"Do you have any heavy-duty vises?"
"Sorry, Pastor," said he, somewhat abashed, "I gave them all up for Lent ..."