Mother Taught Me

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Things Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll GIVE' you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you LOOK at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate."

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father."

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My Mother taught me PHILOSOPHY - "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My Mother taught me about MEDICINE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD - "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me about ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE - "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk back to me."

My Mother taught me about HUMOR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT - "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me about GENETICS - "You are just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE - "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it when we get home."

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE - "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like."