France

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War, or its possibility, isn't a humorous subject. However, recent emerging tidbits about the French are simply too good to ignore. Here are quotes from various commentators regarding the issue of France's refusal to accept the US position on Iraq. Please remember that these are in the "life is stranger than fiction" category, even though they're pointed and, with my historian's hat on, at least debatable.

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"Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion."
    -- Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
    -- Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
    -- Rush Limbaugh

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
    -- Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq."
    -- Dennis Miller

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disneyworld and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
    -- Dennis Miller

"Raise your right hand if you like the French ... Raise both hands if you are French."
    -- Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France."
    -- Jay Leno

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army a they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000, m'sieur?

"The last time the French ask for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
    -- David Letterman

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."
    -- Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining."
    -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

----------------A Final Thought ...

"I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men and German to my horse."

- Attributed to Charles I, King of Spain (Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor), (15001558)