The Actress

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Mrs. Patrick Campbell was rehearsing one of Bernard Shaw's plays. The author was sitting in the front row and was all too vocal in his criticisms of the acting.

Finally, Mrs. Campbell, infuriated by the dramatist, was overheard by another actor to mutter under her breath.

"That old man with the beard. He knows nothing! Nothing!"

"Surely," exclaimed the actor, "you don't mean Mr. Shaw!"

The actress turned and fumed in reply, "So he calls himself ..."